"Brave," Movies and Romance

I went to see "Brave" last night on its opening night. I won't share any "spoilers," but I will share some of my thoughts that sprang from watching the movie. The basic plot, which you might have picked up from commercials or trailers, is that Merida, the princess, must be betrothed. The fiance-to-be must win her hand in an archery contest. There is a running theme of "choosing your own fate," as most of Merida's decisions are made for her in her regimented life as a princess. Without sharing too many plot details, eventually, Merida's mother decides that she should break tradition and let her daughter find love in her own time.

 During the archery scene, there is a lot of silliness with the various suitors showing off, flexing muscles and sometimes acting more clumsy than skilled. Fathers brag on their sons and their supposed macho and military feats. Of course, Merida is not impressed by their braggadocio or bravado.

Strangely enough, this made me think of modern dating in our modern culture. Watching this movie, we somehow sense that this scene, and this method of selecting a mate, is silly. But some modern people's concepts are equally silly, and sometimes, it is mature singles (at least in terms of age) who have silly junior high concepts that we can select a mate just by scanning a sea of faces and picking out the prettiest one.

Why is this? Modern people should have grown up hearing that it's wrong to be shallow and expressions like "Beauty is only skin deep," right? But we've also grown up with movies that glorify the idea of infatuation and promote it as true love, that promote the idea that love is something that will slap us silly some day, that we can't control and that we "fall into."

"Some enchanted evening, you will see a stranger across a crowded room, and somehow you'll know, you'll know even then, somehow you will see her again and again." from "South Pacific"

 I admit I like the "South Pacific" movie for the beautiful music, but some of the romantic concepts are faulty. Even worse than the "across a crowded room" idea with Nellie and Emile is the scene with Lieutenant Joe Cable and the Polynesian Liat. These two do not speak the same language. On first meeting her, Cable says to Liat, "Avez-vous peur?" which is, "Are you afraid?" in French. The next moment, she has thrown herself on him, demonstrating just how unafraid of him she is, and they make out, and, it is implied...they go further. The greater theme in "South Pacific" is overcoming prejudices of various kinds, which I do appreciate. Many of the more recent romance movies are even worse in their depiction of infatuation and shallow relationships, showing people passionate about each other who just barely met.

 Once, while on a dating site, I had a man chatting with me who wanted to meet me right away. I'm pleased to say that I did not agree to meet him. He kept carrying on about how I was "his type," judging from my photo. As surprised as I was that I could be anyone's physical type, I was not impressed by this flattery. I'd rather have someone look at my profile and take this approach, "Hey, I see you like (insert interest here.) So do I!" rather than "Gee, yer perty!" He was also convinced we were made for each other when he found out we both listened to one of the same radio stations, but this is also a bit of a silly conclusion, after talking to someone for only five minutes.

I perused match.com several years ago. I don't think I was ever an official member. I was astonished by one man's profile that included a two paragraph long description of his ideal mate. She had to be Italian and wear her hair a certain way and wear lots of lip gloss. His very long description was purely physical with no listing of personality, values or other inner qualifications. I thought to myself, "How can he expect that such a person, if he finds her, will 1) be attracted to him and 2) be a decent person who shares some compatibility?" This may not be kind, but I hoped he would find such a woman, and she would be his own punishment for having such a foolish idea. A person's looks alone tells you almost nothing of importance. It might tell you something about the person's neatness habits or fitness, but that's all.

I've been reading in "The World's Greatest Love Letters." In one of these historical letters, one man wrote to his wife, "Love is only friendship in a more exalted form." I wish I could recall who wrote that one! (I'll comment later if I can find it.) That, I think, is the best idea, romantic love that has a friendship basis. We can hope that Merida finds love in her own time in this manner. But, how can infatuation be "friendship in an exalted form?" Perhaps, in some cases, if infatuation settles down and matures, it could transform that way.