Today's post in inspired by some of my fashion picks on Pinterest. I love this top above by Anthropologie. It is romantic and feminine, flowing but not shapeless. It would certainly be cool and airy for the summer weather. It is made with polyester,cotton, wool, nylon and acrylic. I think it would look good with a pair of jeans or with a pair of slacks.
It is also $138 which is more than I personally have ever spent on a single top. Sometimes, it is worth the splurge. Depending on your budget, it may be worth your while as quality well-made clothing has more endurance. If you are a skilled seamstress (or happen to know one), you may be able to draw some inspiration from this and create your own version. A creative one-of-a-kind fashion statement is a wonderful thing.
Pair that with this floppy sunhat with flower by Luxury Lane.
The hat is $48 from lookingfabulicious.com. It's lovely for summer, for a day on the beach or out at the sidewalk cafe, both functional and fashionable. The cream rose brings out the cream color of the top.
These espadrilles by Michael Kors, $79.99 from zappos.com, would be a safer pair of heels for the boardwalk. The gold tones complement the creams.
I adore this bag from Fossil, inspired by Italian bags of the '70's. It is feminine and folky at the same time. The applique and embroidery are charming and reminiscent of traditional folk art flowers. It would add a punch of color to the outfit, and the pink flower accents would pick up the pink of the hat. The material is a cotton and leather blend. The interior is 100 percent polyester jacquard, and there is a magnetic closure.
It is $139.99. So, again it may not be the best choice if you are on a tight budget. Maybe, you can only afford one splurge, maybe all, but these are just some of the fashions that have caught my eye recently. Maybe, these ideas will just serve as a springboard for your own creativity. If you are skilled in needlework, you can easily replicate the folk flower look on a fabric bag, knowing your style is both classic and current.
Last night, I was surfing channels and caught a part of a movie, Shallow Hal, 2001, that I had seen before. Soon after that finished, I caught another part of a movie, The Truth About Cats and Dogs, 1996, which I had never seen before. I saw similar themes in both movies, and though I have blogged on this theme, judging by appearances, somewhat recently, I felt I had some new thoughts.
In Shallow Hal, Hal is a guy who is constant pursuit of very beautiful women who do not return his interest, overlooking women he finds less physically attractive. Hal comes across an inspirational author who hypnotizes him into seeing the inner beauty (as outward) in the women he meets. This hypnosis trick even works on how Hal views other men (not that the story suggests that Hal is sexually attracted to other men.) Men with good hearts, Peace Corps volunteers, appear to him as more physically perfect than they are in reality.
Hal meets and dates a lovely woman named Rosemary whom Hal believes looks like, well, like Gwyneth Paltrow. The real Rosemary looks like Gwyneth Paltrow greatly fattened with some help from the makeup department. When Hal's shallow friend, Mauricio, learns that Hal is in a hypnotic state, he feels Hal's eyes should be opened and snaps him out of it. Hal then has to see if he can accept Rosemary as she really appears and, as this is a happy story, he does.
The Real Rosemary in Shallow Hal
The hypnosis aspect is interesting to me after doing some research for a previous blog entry Robot Love?. I had recently come across some Youtube videos of a hypnotist doing a comedy hypnosis demonstration at a state fair. I posted one in the previous blog. In a separate video I did not post, I came across one where the hypnotist had convinced some young guys they were seeing a naked photo of Britney Spears in a "magic" wallet. Their faces certainly registered that, in their minds at least, they were seeing something that was not there.
What was interesting to me in this movie, that I did not remember from my previous viewing, is that Hal not only sees the inner beauty as outward in certain women, he also sees the inner ugliness as outward in certain others. What if we lived in a world where evil people looked evil and ugly, and lovely, kind people looked beautiful? It rarely works exactly that way in reality.
In fairy tales and certain genres of fiction, the hero is always handsome, the heroine is always beautiful and the villain is always ugly. Real life is not so simple as that.
The Beautiful Cinderella and Handsome Prince Charming according to Disney
The Ugly Stepsisters (Who are also ugly in character)
The 1998 movie Ever After had a slightly different take on the Cinderella story. In Ever After, the stepsisters are not physically unattractive. The brunette, Jacqueline, is rather kind to Danielle (Cinderella), but she is also dominated by her mother and sister. The blonde, Marguerite, is beautiful but selfish and scheming, which makes her more threatening than an ugly stepsister when she attempts to charm the prince.
Megan Dodds as Marguerite De Ghent and Melanie Lynskey as Jacqueline De Ghent, the stepsisters, in Ever After
Drew Barrymore as Danielle (Cinderella), of course, is not unattractive either, but she is unlikely to catch the prince's attention dressed as a peasant and acting as servant to her stepmother. She first captures the prince's attention when she is dressed in her mother's clothes, acting as a noblewoman. The initial reason behind the disguise was not to fool the prince, but so that she would have the power to ransom a servant in court. She does, however, when questioned, give her mother's name to the prince, Comtesse Nicole de Lancret. As in other Cinderella stories, Danielle does go to the ball in a beautiful gown.
Drew Barrymore as Danielle in the ballroom scene in Ever After
There is a reason why physical beauty and negative inner traits often go together. Someone who receives too much affirmation for his or her looks can easily develop arrogance. Some beautiful people even learn to use their looks to their advantage as a manipulation tool.
At times, bad parenting can influence a person to be self-consumed. I've watched quite a few episodes of "Toddlers and Tiaras," the reality show about child pageants. These children are taught that it is extremely important not only to be beautiful but to be the most beautiful. They are pampered, indulged and rarely denied (unless denying the child's wishes helps her pageant chances which the parent wants more than the child does.) These children learn that their world revolves around them. This is an excellent way to foster outward beauty and bad character at the same time. On this show, I even observed one mother teaching her daughter how to manipulate her father for money to spend on pageant expenses. By being "cute" and acting charming, the girl could get what she wanted from her father. If this girl, at four or five years old, learns to manipulate her father with beauty and charm, what kind of girlfriend or wife will she be in the future?
Observe the spoiled behavior of the girl in the "Toddlers and Tiaras" video below.
I am not completely without sympathy for MacKenzie. All of the fussing that goes into preparation for pageants likely creates some stress that could provoke her to be cranky. I think she should be spared that stress. At the same time, no child should learn to speak with such disrespect towards her parents, and the parenting style has allowed her that freedom.
Evil does not always look evil. One example of that is with the "Barbie and Ken Killers."
Barbie and Ken Killers
This couple is as attractive as Barbie and Ken dolls. They do not look evil. They even had the appearance to those who knew them of being happily married. Who would have guessed that this man was an absolutely brutal serial rapist and killer and that his beautiful wife assisted him in his crimes?
Paul Bernardo bragged to police that he had raped 30 women. With his wife, Karla Homolka, they sexually assaulted and killed at least three girls. Some time ago, I watched a made-for-TV Lifetime movie about the couple and the crime spree. The movie was not at all graphic, but the nature of the crimes that are hinted at are quite disturbing even so. It was bothersome to the point that my emotional reaction, as I watched, induced a migraine or migraine aura. Bernardo was influenced by sadistic pornography, and suffice it to say that his victims went through a variety of torture, both physically and psychologically.
By looking at Bernardo, we do not see him as the type of character he is in reality. Perhaps, that is because we expect a criminal person to look the part. There are certain things we judge by appearances, sometimes with accuracy, sometimes not. If a person dresses with a spiked collar around the neck or a spiked bracelet, we may get the idea that the person is hostile. Similarly, you may get a certain idea of a person's character if they wear the T-shirt below.
I remember buying a pretzel at a pretzel stand in the mall from a young teen guy wearing a T-shirt with that very saying. I remember thinking, "What a terrible shirt to wear when you deal with the public all day." And then I wondered if his boss knew he was wearing such a shirt.
Even this area can be confusing. Not every hostile person dresses in a way as to outwardly display that attitude, and some hurting people, like a porcupine, present a prickly exterior as a defense mechanism. Hopefully, we can show that hurting person with the strange attire more kindness and understanding than he or she expects.
I am not trying to point out that all beautiful people are evil and that the average or below average looking people of the world are all stellar saints. Of course, that is not true. I do want to point out that character has a great deal more importance than appearances and that, without scratching past the surface, it is impossible to make a judgment about a person one way or another.
The Truth About Cats and Dogs explores the idea that the mate who is most suitable to you on a deeper level may come in different packaging than you expect, which, as I pointed out before, is a somewhat similar idea to Shallow Hal. The Truth About Cats and Dogs is essentially a retelling of Cyrano De Bergerac.
Cyrano De Bergerac, hidden in the bushes, woos Roxane with beautiful words, while Christian De Guiche presents the handsome front.
Cyrano De Bergerac was a real person in the 17th century. A loose biography was made of him in an 1897 play Cyrano De Bergerac. De Bergerac is in love with his cousin Roxane. He is intelligent and witty but embarrassed by his large nose. He learns that Roxane loves Christian De Guiche, another soldier in De Bergerac's regiment. De Guiche is quite the opposite, handsome but lacking in intelligence and wit. Together, they woo Roxane as one man, with De Guiche presenting the handsome front and De Bergerac writing all the love letters and poetry. Roxane marries De Guiche and corresponds with him (actually De Bergerac) while he is at war. De Guiche dies in battle, but Roxane still does not learn the true identity of the man she loves until 15 years later when De Bergerac visits her and reads to her one of De Guiche's letters which he wrote himself. Tragically, at this point, he is dying.
Cyrano De Bergerac and Roxane
The Truth About Cats and Dogs follows the story line somewhat of Cyrano De Bergerac in the confusing way that two women woo one man as one identity, but the ending is much more satisfying and happy. Dr. Abby Barnes (Jeanine Garofalo), a radio host of a show called The Truth About Cats and Dogs, has a wonderful stimulating conversation with a caller to the show, Brian (Ben Chaplin). Brian arranges a date with her, but insecure over her own looks, Abby sends instead her neighbor and friend, Noelle Slusarsky (Uma Thurman), a model who has more beauty than brains. This leads to all sorts of confusion. Brian continues to bond with the real Abby over the telephone while believing the beautiful Noelle is the actual Abby. Noelle tries several tactics, at times trying to assist her friend, and at times, pursuing Brian herself. Eventually, the confusion is sorted out, and Brian and Abby go on on a real date with one another.
From left to right: Brian, Noelle and Abby in The Truth About Cats and Dogs
There are a couple of wonderful lines in the movie. One is said by Brian, and when I heard it, it sounded like my very own thoughts, if not exactly verbatim, while watching Shallow Hal, something I have thought many times.
Brian says, "You know how someone's appearance can change the longer you know them? How a really attractive person, if you don't like them, can become more and more ugly; whereas someone you might not have even have noticed... that you wouldn't look at more than once, if you love them, can become the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. All you want to do is be near them."
In my own experience, I have found this to be true and thought a very similar thought, that an attractive person of poor character begins to look less attractive and a more ordinary person with a wonderful personality and character, begins to look better and better.
At one point, before the whole mystery is unraveled to Brian, Abby says to him, "So say you meet one of these no sparks women, and you really take the time to get to know her and then you become intellectually stimulated by her. You just really enjoy her personality, thereby igniting all your lust and passion. Have you ever thought about that?"
I don't like the word "lust" so much. I'd rather replace that word with "attraction." Even so, I would hope it would work this way. I know it did for my parents. They wrote for years before they met in person and for quite some time even before photos were exchanged.
Christine Kerrick is a wonderful and talented artist. She is a friend I know only through facebook, but I've admired her art for a while.
I've enjoyed her whimsical art like this one.
And her art centered on spiritual themes...
When I found out she had a book coming out, "How To Tell a Prince From a Frog: Law Enforcement Techniques For Knowing Who You're Dating," I knew I could get behind her with it.
I told Christine that I joke sometimes that I should write a book called "Dates From Hell and How To Avoid Them."
I know some princes. Three of them are my biological brothers. Some of them are my Christian brothers, and some have already found their princesses. I'm grateful for the good guys in my life.
But, I've also known some frogs. I seem to attract them. The froggiest of frogs and the wartiest of toads have hopped out of the bog to either date me or be my admirer. I've known a frog with a prison record, a frog who ended up in prison some time after I was no longer in contact with him, a frog with a drug abuse history, a frog with mental illness, who was also a liar and manipulator, and frogs who showed warning signs that they had the capacity to be abusive (although I was not the victim of it) either sexually or physically. My experiences were short-lived, because I did see the warning signs. I did not pick up these men (ahem, frogs) in bars. I met them in what should be the safest of all places to meet a potential mate, in church.
I apologize to any reader who may be avoiding church with the thought that the church is full of hypocrites, because the above statement would seem to confirm your fear. The father of Corrie Ten Boom, a Christian Dutch woman who hid Jews in her home during the Holocaust, once said, "Just because a mouse gets into the cookie jar doesn't make him a cookie." Just like that mouse in the cookie jar, going to church by itself doesn't necessarily make a person a Christian. Even Jesus Himself talked about hypocrites whom He likened to "whitened sepulchres" and false prophets whom He called wolves in sheep's clothing. Notice that if there are wolves in sheep's clothing among the flock, there is also a true flock.
In Matthew 10:16, Jesus says to His disciples, "Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves." In other words, we should be harmless but not naive. Christine's book should equip you to be "wise as a serpent."
Her book addresses how to pick up on clues of your date's character, whether good or bad, and how to recognize red flags.
Christine Kerrick was born and raised in West Chester, Pennsylvania and received a BFA in illustration from the University of the Arts in Philadelphia. Christine has some other book projects in the works as well as six published comic books which, of course, she illustrated herself.
One of Christine Kerrick's comic books below:
"How To Tell a Prince From a Frog" also features several of Christine's illustrations.
"I love writing fiction and have written six comic books. I am working on a couple of novels and have finished (but not published) a children's book. I'm working on a second one," she said.
Christine told me she felt inspired to write her current book "when I met one final Frog who lied to me and manipulated me and those around me."
Christine's artwork below, "Sweet Nothings," is intended to represent a sweet-talking liar.
"I wondered how this could happen and how I could let someone so dangerous slip past me. As I started researching things, I saw that other women had encountered dangerous men like this one too," she said.
The book is aimed towards single women of any age, not necessarily towards teenagers or young women.
Christine feels that her personal experiences have given her the wisdom to write this book.
"I couldn't have written this before that final experience with deception. I have also done extensive research in the years following and talked to scores of women about their experiences, all of whom share many common threads as far as how these Frogs deceived, what they said, the repetitive nature of their sins and the fact that the women 'knew' something was off but went ahead anyway," said Christine.
I noted that the title of the book sounds humorous and asked if the book's content was humorous.
"It is humorous off and on, but focuses on teaching and encouragement," said Christine. "It is a heavy subject, so I tried to inject humor whenever I could."
Christine expressed that frogs can be found in other contexts besides dating such as in business or acquaintance type relationships.
"This isn't to say we should condemn people but be able to know the signs that they are being deceptive and be wise enough to either confront the topic with them or leave and move on. In a dating realm, it is better to move on when you experience deception. Someone who lies to you or otherwise deceives you is not someone who will make a trustworthy spouse," she stated.
Purchase Christine's new book on Amazon and learn to distinguish a prince from a frog!
I went to see "Brave" last night on its opening night. I won't share any "spoilers," but I will share some of my thoughts that sprang from watching the movie. The basic plot, which you might have picked up from commercials or trailers, is that Merida, the princess, must be betrothed. The fiance-to-be must win her hand in an archery contest. There is a running theme of "choosing your own fate," as most of Merida's decisions are made for her in her regimented life as a princess. Without sharing too many plot details, eventually, Merida's mother decides that she should break tradition and let her daughter find love in her own time.
During the archery scene, there is a lot of silliness with the various suitors showing off, flexing muscles and sometimes acting more clumsy than skilled. Fathers brag on their sons and their supposed macho and military feats. Of course, Merida is not impressed by their braggadocio or bravado.
Strangely enough, this made me think of modern dating in our modern culture. Watching this movie, we somehow sense that this scene, and this method of selecting a mate, is silly. But some modern people's concepts are equally silly, and sometimes, it is mature singles (at least in terms of age) who have silly junior high concepts that we can select a mate just by scanning a sea of faces and picking out the prettiest one.
Why is this? Modern people should have grown up hearing that it's wrong to be shallow and expressions like "Beauty is only skin deep," right? But we've also grown up with movies that glorify the idea of infatuation and promote it as true love, that promote the idea that love is something that will slap us silly some day, that we can't control and that we "fall into."
"Some enchanted evening, you will see a stranger across a crowded room, and somehow you'll know, you'll know even then, somehow you will see her again and again." from "South Pacific"
I admit I like the "South Pacific" movie for the beautiful music, but some of the romantic concepts are faulty. Even worse than the "across a crowded room" idea with Nellie and Emile is the scene with Lieutenant Joe Cable and the Polynesian Liat. These two do not speak the same language. On first meeting her, Cable says to Liat, "Avez-vous peur?" which is, "Are you afraid?" in French. The next moment, she has thrown herself on him, demonstrating just how unafraid of him she is, and they make out, and, it is implied...they go further. The greater theme in "South Pacific" is overcoming prejudices of various kinds, which I do appreciate. Many of the more recent romance movies are even worse in their depiction of infatuation and shallow relationships, showing people passionate about each other who just barely met.
Once, while on a dating site, I had a man chatting with me who wanted to meet me right away. I'm pleased to say that I did not agree to meet him. He kept carrying on about how I was "his type," judging from my photo. As surprised as I was that I could be anyone's physical type, I was not impressed by this flattery. I'd rather have someone look at my profile and take this approach, "Hey, I see you like (insert interest here.) So do I!" rather than "Gee, yer perty!" He was also convinced we were made for each other when he found out we both listened to one of the same radio stations, but this is also a bit of a silly conclusion, after talking to someone for only five minutes.
I perused match.com several years ago. I don't think I was ever an official member. I was astonished by one man's profile that included a two paragraph long description of his ideal mate. She had to be Italian and wear her hair a certain way and wear lots of lip gloss. His very long description was purely physical with no listing of personality, values or other inner qualifications. I thought to myself, "How can he expect that such a person, if he finds her, will 1) be attracted to him and 2) be a decent person who shares some compatibility?" This may not be kind, but I hoped he would find such a woman, and she would be his own punishment for having such a foolish idea. A person's looks alone tells you almost nothing of importance. It might tell you something about the person's neatness habits or fitness, but that's all.
I've been reading in "The World's Greatest Love Letters." In one of these historical letters, one man wrote to his wife, "Love is only friendship in a more exalted form." I wish I could recall who wrote that one! (I'll comment later if I can find it.) That, I think, is the best idea, romantic love that has a friendship basis. We can hope that Merida finds love in her own time in this manner. But, how can infatuation be "friendship in an exalted form?" Perhaps, in some cases, if infatuation settles down and matures, it could transform that way.
